Five Ways Your Spouse Should Support Your Emotions to Avoid VAWA
Is it unjust to have expectations of your partner? Some look for a partner who is okay with their current lifestyle, so they don’t have to grow or change. I believe that having expectations of a partner is the only way to grow a new and improved family together. Why settle for a mainframe computer relationship that reliably handles basic tasks when it’s reasonable to expect a laptop relationship where the couple adapts rapidly to changing environments?
Signs You May Need to File VAWA Someday
For over 20 years, Blandon Law has helped foreigners get green cards through the Violence Against Women Act VAWA (which applies also to men and does NOT require physical violence). At the beginning of these relationships, our clients forgave the pattern of emotional abuse from US citizen or green card spouses. Hoping that the relationship would improve after marriage or after the spouse “became less stressed” our clients endured:
- Dismissiveness – “You’re overreacting.”
- Lack of Empathy – “You’re too sensitive.”
- Constant Criticism – “Is your mom calling again?”
- Lack of Interest in Your Life – “I’m going out with my family. Bye.”
Hostility – “Your crying is getting me angry.”
Healthy Relationships Have Expectations
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. Though each person is freed to make personal choices, spouses can only discuss and negotiate preferences if they express – say out loud, often and early – their expectations for each other, for themselves, and for the relationship. Couples that negotiate preferences become stronger together like teammates that coordinate strategy become synchronized.
Five Healthy Ways that Choice Becomes Compromise
Because finding someone exactly like you is impossible, your partner’s refusing to talk about differences (through abandonment or hostility) shows a lack of empathy towards your emotional well-being. Such unwillingness to validate the other’s perspective is like the yellow brick road to Oz, the first clue that the foreign spouse may someday get a VAWA green card.
Here are five ways that a couple in a healthy relationship negotiates different personal choices while supporting each other’s emotional well-being:
- One is quieter and the other likes to talk about everything immediately. The couple agrees to discuss important topics after the quieter partner has time to process.
- One wants the other to get a tattoo, but the partner is hesitant. The couple talks about design and placement, addressing concerns and going forward only after ensuring it’s something both can embrace.
- One feels uneasy about the other’s friendship with one or two persons who they will see at gatherings where couples ordinarily attend together. The couple discusses boundaries, agreeing through clear communication about time they will spend with those friends, to ensure transparency and comfort for all.
- One prefers casual wear, while the other likes more formal attire. They compromise by agreeing to a middle ground for shared outings like dressing more formal for family gatherings and more casual for the beach.
- One loves gaming and the other enjoys being in nature. They plan to spend some weekends hiking together and other times gaming at home together.
VAWA clients appreciate more than filling out a form; they need someone to talk with. Our immigration law experts are here for you, your family, and your friends. Call 954.385.0157 or click “For Future Clients” today to schedule a talk.
Disclaimer – These entries are based on real life events. Family member names, when used, are real. Client names are changed for privacy.
