The Three Personality Traits of Survivors by a VAWA Expert
“Your personality s-cks.”
When a former date sent me that text[1], I was wounded. With time, however, I understood why he wrote it. My personality – which carries the three traits that are also found in Violence Against Women Act VAWA survivors – is an outright dare for a common man. I’m the kind of woman who doesn’t need a mate, but might occasionally tolerate one, provided they are equal parts kind, passionate, and completely unflappable. A special partner. The typical guy or gal can’t abide with a survivor’s approach to things.
[1] Edited for decency.
1. VAWA Survivors Want Honorable Partners
During gaslighting and manipulation, a VAWA survivor will tolerate a US citizen or green card spouse who is not moral. My VAWA clients often tell me about years of lies and deception they’ve endured because their partner promises they’ll do better “next time.” In the end, though, VAWA survivors hire Blandon Law to self-sponsor themselves for a green card when they understand their spouse is not honorable. Abusers will not keep their word and attend couples therapy. They will not abide by the promise to keep their voice steady during arguments. Thus, the relationship is doomed from the moment the abuser opens their mouth and lies, lies, lies. A VAWA survivor either leaves or gets the abuser to leave.
2. VAWA Survivors Want Companions
VAWA Survivors are sociable, congenial people who seek peace. Most Blandon Law VAWA clients mention that in the beginning of the courtship they believed they had found “the one” – the soulmate with whom they could build a life of shared happiness. Instead, the US citizen or green card spouse became a terror, a controller and manipulator, dangling false hope and exploiting the survivor’s desire to trust their spouse. When the abuse is over, and the green card is in the survivor’s hand, one personality trait often outshines others: VAWA survivors want to share their lives with a companion. They want someone to dance with them at family weddings, clap beside them at family graduations, and choose the furnishings for their home. Meaning, survivors want a person who deserves to stand beside them while they share the best life offers.
3. VAWA Survivors Deserve Believers in Their Dreams
I hope that VAWA survivors also find someone who supports their dreams. Our clients survive years of physical abuse and extreme mental cruelty. They are grateful for the crumbs of kindness they’ve received at the hands of US citizen or green card spouses. As their attorney, I want the survivors to find the entire loaf of kindness. If I could transmit one personality trait to VAWA survivors it would be this: after you have divorced the abuser, healed, and found someone else, advocate for yourself in your new relationship. Be aspirational. Be ambitious. And share the few breaths of your one wild and precious life only with someone who supports your goals. A date who creates obstacles for your goals – “that city you’re considering moving to is far from me” – will never be a worthy spouse.
With more than 20 years of experience getting green cards and citizenship for VAWA immigration clients, we are ready to help you, your family, and your friends. Call 954.385.0157 or click “For Future Clients” today to schedule a talk.
Disclaimer – These entries are based on real life events. Family member names, when used, are real. Client names are changed for privacy.
